I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
