i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We had to coat check the pizza.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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