paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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