she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
