new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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