D3 body, D1 cock
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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