I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
