I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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