Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
