The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
