Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
