He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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