I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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