cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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