Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
