I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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