Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
