She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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