We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
