I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
