i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize