I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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