okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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