Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize