I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
