i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize