This house was built for laser tag.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
