Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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