I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My feet surprised me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
