problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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