you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
