I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
