i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
