The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
