looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
