WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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