I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
