I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
