I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
