I smell stomach acid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
