Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize