Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
