Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
