What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
