FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
