I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
