Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
