are you still at the devil's house?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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