Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
