non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
two words...techno handjob
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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