in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
