End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
