I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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