Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
