5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im holly from the hills drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
