not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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