I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
