Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
