Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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