a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did I show you my penis last night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize