gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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