WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So many bounce houses so little time
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize