Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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