It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
