the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
