I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize