I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize