you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
