The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
