Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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