I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
